


Strawberry Gashes

by GlassAlice



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Graphic Description, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-09-26 15:03:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9907970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassAlice/pseuds/GlassAlice
Summary: Harry finds out Draco's secret, but will it change anything? Eventual Drarry. --Warnings for graphic descriptions of self harm, drug abuse, and past recollections of child abuse. Dark fic. Angst. Draco is just so easy to torture I'm sorry.





	1. The Room of Revokement

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine, never was, never will be. This is all just a bit of fun.

AN [Updated]: Again warning for **self harm**. Also warning for child abuse and graphic description of abuse and self harm. There is also prob going to be some non-con in this too... Dark getting darker. This fic was supposed to be a simple 3 chapter fic based on a song and it's turning into the 8th book...I'm not seeing the ending anytime soon. I might be upping the rating, we'll see.

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A candle flickered lowly in the night, the wax sluggishly melting into its holder. The lonely candle didn't give out enough light for Harry to see more than basic shapes. He groped around, feeling with his hand as he tried to step around discarded boxes. 

"Fuck" he cursed as he stubbed his sock covered foot on the edge of one of the blasted boxes. 

"Why did I even agree to this" Harry mumbled under his breath. He was seriously regretting leaving his wand in his room, but Ron said that the room was set to alarm at any magic that happened inside. Why Hogwarts had such a room Harry couldn't fathom, apparently it had something to do with the room of requirement. 

"To have such powerful magic as the room of requirement you have to have an equal and opposite magic to balance it out" his head gladly repeated Hermione's words mockingly.

He continued picking his way though the cluttered room when his foot came into contact with something warm and soft. "Bloody hell!" Harry leaped back in surprise. 

Holding the candle higher and closer to the warm lump on the floor revealed it to be a body. An unmistakably blond body with a distinctly pointed nose. 

"Malfoy?" Harry whispered half in shock half to get the other boy's attention.

Malfoy didn't answer, he also wasn't moving. Harry started to panic thinking not only was he in this dumb room where he couldn't use magic but he might be in a dark room with a corpse. He quickly scanned the gloom to search for a culprit that may have caused Malfoy's untimely demise. The room was too dark, so Harry took his chances and knelt by Malfoy's side. Gingerly Harry rolled Malfoy out of his curled fetal position trying to squint at his face. Malfoy's skin was cool and damp.

"Common Malfoy this isn't funny" Harry's voice rose as he shook the other's shoulders. Malfoy remained limp. That was when Harry noticed. The red pool under Malfoy's forearm. Harry squeaked and began to shake Malfoy harder. "Wake up, please wake up. Common Malfoy!" Malfoy groaned but did not move. That was enough to send Harry into action. He gathered Malfoy on his back, the dead weight causing Harry to leave his almost useless candle behind. He picked his way back the way he came with caution and speed. The adrenaline keeping his mind focused on one task. Get Malfoy to Madam Pomfrey.

Harry was drenched in sweat by the time he made it to the infirmary. He used his whole body to will the door open. "Madam Pomfrey!" He called. He lay Malfoy down on the closest bed. His voice was shaking, and maybe his body as well, Harry wasn't sure, "Madam Pomfrey!" 

In the light of the infirmary Harry could see clearly the gashes on Malfoy's forearm. Little red lines ran jagged stripes up and down his arm. Older white scares ran this way and that not seeming to follow any pattern. All of them centering on the Dark Mark. If he wasn't sure if he was shaking before he realized it now. Nausea cursed though him and he felt himself being sat in a chair. By the time he looked up Madam Pomfrey was already casting spells over Malfoy. Time around him seemed to be going at a snails pace, but everyone else seemed to be going at lighting speed. 

Bang.

Harry jumped. Snape slammed into the room and handed a small vial over to Madam Pomfrey who administered the potion to Malfoy without preamble. Three sets of eyes were glued on Malfoy as they all waited for the potion to take effect. Malfoy's eyes slowly fluttered open and a low groan escaped his colorless lips. 

Snape snapped to Malfoy's side brushing his hair back and holding his hand. "Draco I'm here dragon, look at me." Snape almost cooed. 

It was at that moment Harry realized he was no longer needed. He shifted awkwardly in his chair looking for an escape route. He pushed his glasses up his nose and eyed the door. Madam Pomfrey was holding Malfoy's arm casting spells and Snape's eyes didn't leave Malfoy's face for a second. Reassured that he was long forgotten, Harry silently slipped out of the infirmary.

Previous quest forgotten and shock wearing off, Harry made his way through the corridors of Hogwarts. 

"That couldn't have been an attack right? Abuse, maybe?" Harry thought to himself. "Is someone bulling him at school?" Harry shook his head running both hands through his hair violently. "Gah! I don't care!" he yelled disturbing some of the portraits that were sleeping in the hallway. A few of them shushing him, some others started lecturing him on the time of night. Harry just kept walking, his lie making his hand ache dully. Lies always did, since that incident. He rubbed at the faded scar on his hand when the truth hit him. He'd known all a long of course, since the moment he got a good look at Malfoy's arm in the light of the infirmary. He just didn't want to accept it. 

Harry shrugged it off as he whispered the password to the fat lady and snuck back though the portrait hole. 

"Did ya get it?" Ron whispered from his bed

"No."

"What happened? Too much junk? I warned you that room will give you everything except what you want"

Harry sighed. That was exactly what had happened. 

"Go to bed Ron. I'm tired"

"Hey, you can tell me what happened at least."

"Good night." Harry crawled into his bed and shut the curtains leaving Ron to stare with his mouth open before grumbling and going to bed.


	2. Almost and Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Draco and Harry come to an understanding.

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Harry groped though the thick darkness that seemed to grab at him with sluggish fingers. Harry had to get away, from what he'd forgotten, but the urge to run was overwhelming his senses. If only he could escape the darkness holding him back. Harry knew his slow progress was only brining him closer to what he feared, but moving was his only option. If he stopped, the darkness would swallow him whole.

Harry shot up from bed his chest heaving and every nerve on end. Filtered blue light streamed in though his bed curtains proof that he was awake in his own bed with no monsters. The bed sheets and night clothes were soaked with sweat. Harry shivered, the cool morning air froze his dampened skin. Harry's teeth chattered as he shrugged off his shirt and got out of bed. The other boys seemed to have left for breakfast already. "Good" harry thought, "less questions." The thought caused a lonely twinge in his heart that he quickly brushed aside. Alone was a familiar friend.

Harry gathered his bath things and headed to the shower. He scrubbed the sweat from his body, his actions mechanical and well practiced. He seemed to melt under the hot water, tight muscles loosened and a contented sigh escaped his lips. By the end of his shower his dream was already forgotten. He padded down to breakfast in fresh clothes that smelt of summer mornings.

"Harry! Over here!" Hermione called over the chatter of other students. They were at the Ravenclaw table today sitting with Luna.

"Oh good morning Harry!" Luna's soft voice made Harry smile, "I've finished that ward I promised I'd make for you." Luna handed over a small hand sewn bag that smelled distinctly like burnt grass. At Harry's blank expression she added, "The one to protect your from numpties." Harry looked down at the bag with what he assumed was a picture of a numpty on the side.

"Thanks Lu" Harry said slipping it into his robe pocket. He started shoveling baked beans and fried bread on his plate and the group started a light conversation that blended into the hum of the great hall.

Harry took comfort in easy mornings like this. Mornings when the smiles out numbered the worried expressions. He took a sip of his pumpkin juice basking in the light atmosphere of his friends.

A shiver ran down his spine as the breeze from the great hall doors opening swept past him. He turned his head to casually glance at the late arrival. Draco's Malfoy strode though the wooden doors, nose in the air. Harry's heart fell into his stomach. Everything came rushing back from last night. Harry hadn't been sure if it was all one big dream, but now seeing Malfoy in the flesh he knew. His eyes studied Malfoy's face for any crack in the arrogant mask before locking onto Malfoy's forearm. There was nothing to see of course, Harry knew there wouldn't be. Even if Draco weren't wearing his school robes he'd be wearing the long sleeved dress shirt that every student was required to wear.

Draco walked to Slytherin's table with all the confidence of a king walking to his throne. He sat the end of the table across from Parkinson. Harry flipped around to the pain of Ron's elbow digging into his ribs. "What's that for?" Harry grumbled.

Ron quirked an eyebrow, "Has Malfoy been a git to you or somethin'?"

"No" Harry shook his head "Nothing like that" he went back to his breakfast, moving it around his plate more than eating it.

Ron huffed, "You going to tell me what's goin' on? First you snub me last night, and now you're making eyes at Malfoy"

  
Harry gripped his fork tighter, "I'm not making eyes at anyone, Ron, And nothing happened last night I was just tired."

Ron's face turned a shade redder, "I thought you were done lying to us."

Harry subconsciously rubbed the back of his right hand, "I'm not lying to you, nothing happened alright?"

"Something did happen you git, there's something wrong with you."

The group around them had stopped talking awhile ago, "Wrong with me?" He slammed his fist onto the table his voice rising, "You're the one that lost the plot. You sent me on a goose chase for a dumb brooch that probably doesn't even exist, in a hellish room that is basically a death trap, and then accuse me of lying. You're not my mum Ron, I don't have to answer you!" The hall was silent, all eyes were fixed to Harry. His face already hot from yelling grew hotter as a blush creeped up his neck. "Sod off" He whispered to Ron. Luna's eyes were watery now and Hermione's mouth was hanging open as her eyes flicked between the two boys trying to figure out who was at fault and what they were arguing about. Harry promptly got up and made a quick exit. All eyes in the room watched him leave, except two.

 

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Draco kept his eyes firmly on his food. Harry's attention seeking shenanigans had nothing to do with him. As soon as the doors closed the hall broke out into furious chatter each group coming up with new rumors. Draco stabbed his poached egg a bit too hard causing the fork to scrape on the plate. Pansy shot him a look. Draco took more care with his next bite. "Where were you last night?" Pansy whispered under the roar of the excited hall, "Blaise said you didn't come back to the dungeons."

Draco straightened in his seat, "I was with Snape." Not a lie, not really, Draco told himself.  
Pansy eyed him, "Were you." She said at last and then turned to Millicent and ignored Draco for the rest of breakfast.

Draco slumped back down on the bench a dull ache in his chest half wishing Pansy had pushed the issue, half relieved she hadn't. His arm was throbbing under his bandages, if Potter hadn't made a scene he could already be back to his room. But now it would look odd if he didn't throw himself into making fun of Potter full force after that very public scene. Lucky for him Finnegan made his way around to the Slytherin table.  
"Taking bets on Harry and Ron's fight, 2:1 for Harry and Hermione having a secret love affair" The Slytherins only tolerated a few people from other houses and Finnegan was one of them. The children from affluent houses couldn't get enough of his asinine bets, it made them feel grown up and like their parents. Draco was no different. "5 Galleons that Harry is gay for Ron." Draco drawled. This sparked a whole other round of bets on Harry's sexuality. Draco was sure it would turn into a beautiful rumor. Maybe he would make rainbow "We support Gay Potter" buttons this time. A dark smile lit across his face. After he made sure his bet was documented he made his way back to his room.

Madam Pomfrey had given him a salve for his cuts again. It was turning into routine now. At first she had tried just using magic to close the cuts but her white magic caused the dark mark to send waves of pain until Draco had fainted. Pomfrey had then consulted Snape and together they created an ointment that was mostly muggle and didn't disrupt the dark magic in the mark. Draco gingerly un wrapped his bandages and spread the white cream over the fresh cuts. The dark mark was full of thin white scares that rose off his skin in a macabre pattern. Most of the cuts ran across his arm like a bridge. He traced the memories of pain and the high each on had brought him. Draco regretted his Dark Mark the day he received it from You-Know-Who himself. The pressure of his father weighed on him even now, in his room a million miles away and safe behind Hogwart's doors.

Draco took one more glance at his arm. He'd almost done it this time, if Snape hadn't found him when he did, Draco might have succeeded. Draco's thin eyebrows knotted in the middle of his forehead and his fist clenched. Almost free. Almost.

 

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Harry paced in the common room. The room was empty except for himself. It was too early for anyone sane to be awake. Even the framed people on the wall snored sleepily. Harry tugged at his hair and fiddled with his glasses.

"How do I even ask someone about something like that let alone Malfoy of all people" Harry shoved his hand though his hair again.

"Why, Hello Malfoy. I hate you and you hate me but I never knew you hated you too" he slapped his forehead with his palm.

"Stupid stupid stupid. Take this seriously, what would Hermione say?"

"Hello Malfoy, you shouldn't hurt yourself, it's not good for you, maybe you should see a counselor about that?"

"GAH!" He tugged at his hair.

"Why doesn't anyone ever teach you these things?!" Harry paused. Maybe people did get taught this kind of stuff by their parents, but that meant he was at a disadvantage.

"Maybe I should just ask someone" he finally concluded.

 

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Harry did not take his own advice and that is why he was now standing across from Malfoy's intense glare whipping his sweating palms on his robes.

"Get on with it Potter, I don't have all day"

Harry shifted his weight to his left foot and cleared his throat. "I, uh, just wanted to talk to you a little bit." Harry internally winced at his own shaking voice.

Draco raised a sleek eyebrow, "Is this a love confession Potter? I thought you were gay for Ron."

"What!" Harry said a little too loudly and quickly looked around the corridor they had slipped into. Stillness was their only companion. "I am not in love with Ron, and this is about you, not me"

"Damn, well I wasn't expecting to win that bet anyways" Draco muttered to himself. "Well then why did you drag me into this damn alcove then Potter?" He looked directly into the green eyes that were too close and crossed his arms in front of him.

Harry sighed, he wasn't good at this kind of thing and Malfoy was intolerable at the best of times. "I..." he took a deep breath, "I wanted to know if your arm was ok."

Draco froze. Cold prickled across his skin as his whole body started to panic. "I don't know what you're talking about." Draco breathed.

Harry rushed his words, "I found you, in that blasted room. Well, more like tripped over you. You were unconscious. I carried you to Pomfrey. Your arm was pretty cut up. Lots of blood. What happened in there? I didn't think that room could actually hurt anyone."

Draco was sure Potter could hear his heart pounding. It seemed to fill the whole of Hogwarts.  
"What." His eyebrows furrowed but his eyes were bright and glassy.

"I haven't told anyone yet" Harry offered.

Draco went from statue to all movement. He pinned Harry to the wall "Yet? And just who were you planning on telling Potter." Draco sneered pushing closer. Breath divided them. "This is none of your business. Just ignore it, the way you always do. Or why don't you just finish the job that you started?" Draco didn't mean to say that last part out loud and he sucked in his breath as if he was hoping to inhale the sentence back down his throat. He took a quick couple steps back as if realizing where he was and who he was.

Harry nodded, eyes wide. They were both thinking about the bathroom incident, even if neither of them said it out loud. The unspeakable event. The time when Harry became the villain and Malfoy the victim. The time when Harry acted out of hate against someone clearly in pain.

"Che" Draco's eyes spit daggers across the dim alcove. "I don't need you prying into my life, chosen one." Draco turned on his heal to stock out of there to leave the whole issue inside that corridor forever. Harry grabbed his wrist to stop him. Draco let out a hiss and snatched his arm back.

"What is wrong with you, golden boy? Haven't you had your laugh?" The panic was back. He wasn't ready to face this and he especially wasn't ready to share it with his nemesis.

Harry looked down shyly, "I'm sorry." The word was weighed down with time and meaning. It fell heavily between them.

"Sorry? You're sorry." Draco half laughed.

"Yes. I'm sorry alright. I shouldn't have grabbed your arm and I shouldn't have cursed you back then. But I'm here now, even if you are an unbearable tosser. So why don't you talk to me?"

"Why should I. We aren't friends, we've never been friends. What do you care?"

Harry stared at Malfoy. Why did he care so much? Harry wasn't sure, all he knew was that what Malfoy was doing was dangerous and now that he knew he was responsible.

Harry set his jaw and clenched his fist. "Well I do, and I'm here now and you're not getting rid of me."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"Fine?"

"I said fine didn't I?" Draco sighed, "But no telling anyone, if you so much as breath a word of this I swear on Merlin's beard that you will pay."

"Deal," Harry smiled a rough smile. "Now tell me what's going on. Why did I find you in a pile of your own blood."

Draco's eyes were tired of rolling so he settled for a glare, "Just because we have this truce doesn't mean I'm going to spill my heart out to you."

Harry stuffed his hands into his pockets and nodded. "Ok, fair. Meet me here tomorrow after dinner."

"Why?"

"So we can talk."

"I'm not talking to you in a school corridor where anyone can hear us."

"We aren't going to stay here, just meet here. God Malfoy, you're making this really hard."

Malfoy smirked, "Do I always make it hard for you?"

Harry's face lit up like it was on fire, "That's it Malfoy, I tried. Forget it. Forget this ever happened."

Draco cringed, "Ok I'll meet you. Tomorrow, after dinner. Don't be late" and with that he turned and stocked out.

Harry was left standing alone in the corridor watching Malfoy's back. His shoulders slumped forward and a breath he hadn't realized he was holding rushed out of him. 

 

 


	3. Watch Me Fault Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Drug/Potion abuse, more self harm, more naughty language. This fic is literally about self harm, so if you're this far you should know that by now.

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Draco tugged on his shirt straightening the already pristine cloth. He was perfectly on time to the same corridor they had meet in previously, yet the wonder boy was nowhere to be seen. Draco huffed, a Malfoy waited for no half-blood even if they were the savior of the wizarding world. He turned to leave and bumped into thin air. 

"Oof." said the air.

"What the fuck?" said Draco.

The air seemed to part revealing Harry Potter. Draco's mouth opened and closed but no words left him.

"Sorry 'bout that." Harry grumbled. "Took longer than I thought to get out of the common room."

Draco continued his impersonation of a fish ravishingly.

"Uh, invisibility cloak, it was my father's, I guess." Harry said in way of explanation. 

Draco finally composted himself and quirked an eyebrow, "Impressive heirloom Potter."

"I figured you didn't want anyone knowing about our meeting and there's quite a few halls to go through before we get to the room of requirement."

Draco gave Harry a look.

"What?"

"If we were meeting at the room of requirement why didn't you pick a corridor that was closer?"

Harry's eyebrows scrunched up and his mouth formed a little "o".

Draco rolled his eyes and picked up the cloak skillfully covering both of them in its silken threads. "Cozy."

Harry realized that while he still fit quite comfortably under the cloak by himself that both of them would have to stay extremely close to fit. He now wished he had the forethought to pick someplace closer to their destination.

Draco sensing Harry's discomfort at their closeness put his arm around Harry's waist and pressed himself tight against the other boy, "Shouldn't we be going?" Draco's breath tickled his ear and Harry coughed. 

"Right. Yes. Let's go."

They stumbled though the hallways whispering insults at each other as they barely dodged students and statues.

Once they made it to the room, Draco threw off the cloak and activated the room before Harry had a chance to react. 

The door slid open revealing a green and silver bedroom complete with a glowing fireplace in the corner and a fuzzy Slytherin crest rug. 

Harry looked at Draco questioningly. "If I'm going to be uncomfortable, then so are you." Draco lifted his nose in the air and entered the room.

Draco sat on a large leather chair, the only chair in the room, and crossed his legs. His gaze was sharp and he looked like a prince on his throne. Harry realized in that moment he would never have the smooth grace Draco seemed imbedded with. 

Harry ignored the bed and sat on the plush snake rug. He raked his hand through his hair. Draco continued to glare. 

"So." Harry ventured, "Why'd I find you half dead?"

"All the subtlety of a rock."

Harry coughed and Draco sharpened his gaze.

"Look I just want to help."

"I'm not your charity case, I'm fine."

"You're not fine, you're hurting yourself!"

"What I do is my business, Potter."

Harry angrily leapt to his feet, "What you're doing is dangerous; are you stupid? You could really die." 

Draco's mouth formed a hard line and his eyes became storm clouds, "What do you care? You've never cared before. Actually quite the opposite, if I remember what you did to me in the bathroom." Draco placed a hand over the scar on his abdomen. 

"I didn't know what that would do!" Harry tried in way of defense.

"So you just cast unknown spells at crying boys in the bathroom for fun? Some hero." Draco sneered. "Other people think you're perfect, but I know the real Harry Potter. The Harry Potter that would kill over a school boy rivalry."

"Shut it Malfoy" Harry growled.

Malfoy scoffed. "What, can't handle a little truth about yourself?"

"You need to stop this, find help. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me." Draco hissed. "I know my shadows, Potter. I know them intimately. What do you know of your own shadows?"

"This isn't about me Malfoy," Harry stalked up to Draco's chair and placed his hand on the armrest, leaning in he growled, "this is about you. You and your problem. Your problem that you forced on me when I had to save your sorry arse. You're a disaster Malfoy"

"Harry Potter you absolute fuck." Draco stood up pushing Harry out of the way, "Never talk to me again. Never look at me. Don't even breathe in my direction or I swear on House Malfoy that I will make what V-Voldemort did to you look like child's play." Draco was proud that he only slightly stumbled over the former Dark Lord's name. He threw one last glare at Harry for good measure before swiftly exiting the room of requirement. 

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#### \- Two Weeks Later -

Harry took Draco's words to heart. He didn't even breathe in the other boy's direction. Harry was done. He had tried to help, he really had, but you can't help a prick. Draco had made his bed and Harry wasn't his caretaker. 

Harry slammed his forehead into the library table. It was no good. He'd been trying to convince himself that everything was fine. That Draco deserved what he did to himself. 

Groaning, Harry rocked his head back and forth on the table. The stupid small voice in the back of his head wouldn't let it alone. It kept telling him Draco might be in real danger and it didn't seem like any adults were doing anything about it. Harry might even be the only other person who knew. 

"He told you to fuck off, so fuck off already." Harry whispered to himself. 

There was no way he was going to get any studying done. Truth was he hadn't been able to concentrate on anything since the incident. He needed to clear his head. He shoved his books and scrolls haphazardly back into his bag. He dropped his stuff off in the common room and made quick excuses to Ron before heading out in the direction of Hagrid's hut.

He wound his way through the grounds, taking the longest route possible. He didn't really want to see Hagrid, but a visit would be a good excuse if anyone asked. He passed a broken down tool shed that was probably part of the old Herbology classroom. 

He paused and strained his ears.

Nope, there were defiantly sounds coming from the shed. Laughing, if he was hearing correctly.

He almost moved on but his gut told him to check it out. His gut saved his life in the past and Harry wasn't one to ignore it.

The whole shed was rusted and the door was padlocked from the outside. He circled around trying to find a way in. Maybe it was one of the ghosts and this was their secret party spot. It was probably a good a party spot as any for a ghost, Harry reasoned to himself.

He reached the back of the shed to find a hole about the size of a house elf. 

'A person could probably fit though there if they tried.' Harry thought to himself. 

He peaked into the hole to see if he could see the person inside. Junk and old tools blocked the view to the opposite side of the shed. 

'You don't have Gryffindor courage for nothing.' Harry told himself. He crawled through the hole. It was a tight fit, his shoulders were a bit too wide and it took a lot of twisting to pull himself through. It was not a quiet endeavor.

The laughing stopped and a weak, "Who's there?" sounded from the other side of the shed.

Harry cast a quick _lumos_ and the shed lit up. There, huddled in a corner, was Draco. Dark circles rimmed his eyes and his skin looked thin as paper. Harry was taken aback, Draco was just sitting there giggling. It was not a pleasant sound.

"Oh it's you. Come to tear me a new one have you?" Draco giggled again. 

"Are you ok?" Harry had never heard Draco giggle, and he was sure he never wanted to hear it again. It was manic and harsh. 

Draco grinned showing all his teeth. "Oh I'm fine. Fiiiiiiine." more giggles. 

That was when Harry noticed the potion bottle next to him. He walked over and grabbed it. "What's this?" 

Draco took a moment to focus on what was in Harry's hands. "Oh that! Hmmmm." Draco's brain was like mush and his tongue felt heavy. "Pufflepuff...puff" was all that he could manage before breaking down into more creepy laughter.

Harry looked down at the bottle. It was unmarked and a bit of red liquid was left at the bottom. He sniffed it, it smelled of rotten oranges. Potions weren't his thing but he knew that Draco was at least some kind of high. He'd never encountered Wizard drugs but he had gone through enough D.A.R.E. programs in elementary school to know that this was probably something similar.  
"Why are you here, Malfoy?" Harry was trying to remember if he ever learned anything about helping someone on drugs.

"It's won'ful." He slurred. Draco tried again, "It's won'full here." Close enough.

Harry bit his lip. Why did he always get himself into these situations? And why oh why did it have to be Malfoy.

"You really are a disaster, Malfoy."

"You're beau'iful" Draco laughed that ugly laugh. "Beau'iful and mean."

"You're high Malfoy."

"Is your fault." Malfoy laughed, "You woul'n't shake muh hand." Tears started to leak out of the corners of his eyes despite the continued laughter. Draco stared at Potter unblinkingly. "Jus' wanna be you frien’. But nooooooooo Harry Potter was too goo' fuh me" Draco started laughing hysterically. “Harry Potter’s better than me. Ev’n father thought so.” The little color Draco had fled from his face.

Harry didn’t know Draco could turn paler then he already was but he was sure that he did not enjoy having this new information about his rival. 

"I'm not muh father." Draco whispered. “I’m not goo’ enough. Never goo’ enough.”

Harry grabbed him by the shoulders shaking him, "You're scaring me Malfoy. _Stop it._ **Stop it.** " 

Draco shook his head violently from side to side. "No. Stop. Stop please. Scare. I'm scare father. Don' make me." The tears were falling in streams down his cheeks now. He started to pull and tug at his hair. Strands of soft feathery hair drifted to the floor.

Harry pulled Draco close and hugged him, clamping down on the other boy's arms to prevent him from pulling out more hair.

" _I hate you!_ **I HATE YOU!** ....I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. " Draco repeated it like a mantra. After a minute his thrashing settled down and his words turned into sobs mixed with giggles. 

Draco’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he started shaking. Tremoring.

Harry panicked. He didn't know how to deal with this. How did wizard drugs work? Was he coming off his high or going into shock from overdosing? What was he supposed to do?

Harry held Draco closer petting the soft blonde hair and rocking him back and forth.

Slowly. Slowly the shaking subsided. Draco's eyes were shut and he was breathing normally. 

Harry pressed his palm onto his lightning scar. An old habit. "I don't know how to help you Malfoy." He whispered. 

Harry lay Draco down on the shed floor, placing Draco’s head in his lap. He picked up the discarded potion bottle and corked it. He'd have Hermione look at it later. 

Maybe he should get someone to pick up Draco and take him back to his room. Who were Draco's friends? Who would Draco trust? Harry didn't know. He'd never tried to get in with the Slytherins. He hadn't made a single Slytherin friend in 7 years. He sighed, "I guess I just have to wait."

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Draco woke up; his head was pounding and his mouth was dry. "Fuck you Bulstrode." he muttered. "Last time I trust one of your crock potions." He cracked open a heavy eyelid trying to make sense of his surroundings. 

He was in the old Herbology shed. His head was on something warm and soft.

Draco opened another eye and saw a tussled black head above him. "Fuck" he groaned.  
Harry stirred at the sudden exclamation.

"You're awake."

"And you're a ponce.” Draco croaked, his mouth still dry. “Why are you here Potter?" Draco tried to shuffle away from Harry's lap but any movement shot electric pain straight through his skull. "I thought I told you to leave me be."

Harry sighed. "I dunno."

"What?" Draco crooked a delicate eyebrow.

"I don't know why I'm here, or what I'm doing." Harry raked a hand though his hair. "I don't even know why you're here. What in God’s name do you think you're doing?"

"None of your business, Potter."

"I think it's my business now since I sat here for God knows how long worried sick that you wouldn't wake up."

"No one asked you to do that, you pillock."

"No. No one did. But I did it anyways because you were having a breakdown or an overdose or something!"

"I was fine." Draco closed his eyes and whispered, "I was fine, I'm sure."

**"You were not fine!"** Harry didn't think he was going to yell, but here he was and he didn't feel like stopping. "You were shaking and babbling and I thought you were going to die. What the fuck did you drink Malfoy?!"

"Modified laughing potion. Hufflepuff Juice, Bulstrode calls it. It's perfectly safe."

"Yeah well, it didn't seem safe to me. You were crying and pulling out your hair and, God, shaking. Shaking so violently." Harry shivered closing his eyes trying to block the image in his mind.

Malfoy closed his eyes. "Well I won't be doing it again, so you don't have to worry. It was just to get me through the week. So I could forget."

"What do you mean?"

"Merlin Potter, do I have to spell it out for you? She gave it to me so I wouldn't cut."

Harry stared at Draco.

"Thanks for taking care of me, but in case you forgot I told you to leave me alone." Draco sat up groaning. "Fuck Merlin's bollocks that hurts." Draco stood up and glared at Harry. "Leave me alone." Draco turned to leave.

Harry shot to his feet and caught Draco's sleeve. "No wait. Draco don't."

Draco slowly turned around his brow crinkled. "What?"

"Don't do this to yourself. Let me help you."

"No, not that part you prat. What did you call me?" Draco said frustrated at Harry’s apparent slowness.

"Malfoy?" Harry looked confused.

"Mmm." Draco turned to leave again.

"No really, stop. Please." Harry pulled hard on Draco's sleeve causing him to stumble backwards. Harry caught Draco in his arms, pressing into his back. "Please. Let me help." Harry sighed a puff of air ruffling the blond strands on Draco's neck. "Draco..." Harry tested the word again.

Draco gasped. Harry could feel it more than he could hear it. 

Draco nodded closing his eyes and letting Harry's warmth seep into his back.

"Fine. But there's nothing you can do, not really." The tension in his shoulders sank.

Harry nodded and loosened his grip.

Draco slipped out of his grasp and left without turning around. 

Harry picked up his wand that was still shining and clutched the potion bottle in his pocket. He would save Draco. Draco may be a git but if Harry didn't do something he was worried that Draco might hurt himself. Might die. A shiver ran up his spine.

Harry crawled out of the shed. He was disoriented, the sun had set while he was inside. He cast a quick _tempus_ and 22:45 hovered above his wand. Harry steeled his resolve and picked his way back to the common room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late late chapter D: I got really into Persona 5 and it took up all my free time! Then I discovered Voltron Gaaah! OTL I'm also prepping to move and am in the last semester before graduation. YAY! But also no time! I thought this was only going to be 3 chapters but... I'm half way through writing the 4th chapter and there's still so much to do. Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments! Of course, like always, I don't own Harry Potter, I'm just playing in the Wizard Sandbox.


	4. Some Things You Lose

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Harry wasn’t able to pass off the potion to Hermione until later that week. Hermione took two whole days to create a list of ingredients which she assured him was 98% accurate. The scroll read:

“Modified Laughing Potion:

Spring water  
Alihotsy Leaves  
Billywig wings  
Sweat of a Cane Toad  
Knarl quills  
Puffskein Hair  
Puffskein Vox  
Horseradish Powder

Note: The added Sweat of a Cane Toad creates a hallucinogenic after effect as the potion wears off. The added Puffskein Vox intensifies the laughter but causes a more severe crash than a common Laughing Potion. Where did you get this?”

Harry cast an Incendio on the scroll. He’d have to tell Hermione something better than “I just found it and it seems suspicious” later. 

Sighing Harry sat back on his bed and thought to himself, ‘If this really did cause an intense crash after consumption then what did Draco do after he left?’ “Prevent cutting my ass.” Harry growled to himself. ‘How am I supposed to deal with this? I’m out of my league. Maybe I really should talk to someone about this.’ Harry let out a sound of exasperation, telling someone might break the uncomfortable truce they'd formed. 'But what if he really hurt himself?’ Harry sighed falling into his pillow.

Harry had nothing but questions and not a single answer.

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Draco closed the door to the empty classroom behind him. The common room was a horror house for him. While most of the other Slytherins that had come back after Voldemort's defeat were not from sinless families, none were from such a public disgrace as his own family was. His own father. 

The room was full with the sound of his breath. A cold sweat broke out over his too tight skin. 

He was exhausted from blocking his feelings, from ignoring the cold stares, from hating the reminder of his greatest mistake carved into the flesh of his forearm. The constant reminder of his weakness. He needed to feel something besides the cold that filled up his insides. It's the dark mark, he's sure of it. If he can just carve off the mark everything would go back to normal. He would be able to feel again.

He pulled out the slice of persimmon bark he carried in his robe pocket. It was smooth under his touch. Worn down from constant fiddling. When the anxiety became overwhelming in class, or the common room, or the great hall he could hold onto something solid. A cruel friend, but a steady one. 

_Lignum Verto_ Draco waved his wand in an intricate pattern and visualized the blade. Small, sharp, bright.

The wood seemed to melt away leaving behind a vicious razor.

Fear welled up in his stomach but need won and he clutched the razor like a lifeline. His hand was steady but tears prickled at the back of his eyes. A small voice in the back of his head begged him to stop, but a louder voice pleaded for release. 

Draco ran the blade across the skull's eyes and he shivered. The tightness in his chest ebbed. The coldness in his chest flowed out his arm. 

More.

He cut another line. The pain flared in his arm. The alchemy of incorporeal transforming into physical pain was the spell he was casting with every line. He slashed the tattoo that defiled him over and over, trying to cleanse it in blood and pain. 

The pressure behind his eyes increased causing a few tears to leak out. The tears he can't cry, the feelings he can't feel became the ritual of sacrifice and he was the lamb.

When it was all over and he slumped back resting his back against the wall. He curled into himself hiding in the shell of his body. He squeezed his eyes until light prickled behind his lids. Why was he like this?

"You're a disgrace Draco Malfoy. Disgusting." He whispered to himself.

The shame fell heavy on his shoulders dragging him back to the cold even as his arm pulsed in hot pain.

 

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Hogsmeade. 

Harry breathed in the crisp air and smiled. No more unknown potions, no more unanswered questions, just him and his friends laughing and drinking butter beer. Ron and Hermione were very careful not to make him feel like a third wheel and their company was _easy_. 

Harry and Ron had ganged up on Hermione trying to give her a hard time for eating the last chocolate frog.

"I'm a growing boy I need my calories, and you didn't even ask to share." Ron pouted. 

Harry poked Hermione in the ribs, “Yeah Mione, I only had two frogs and Ron had 3! You should have at least asked me.” 

“Ahh, that tickles!” Hermione jumped away from Harry’s fingers only to find herself being tickled by Ron. 

“Both of you are insufferable!” Hermione quickened her pace to keep herself out of arm’s length of both boys.

Harry and Ron shared a conspiratorial look before launching at her at full tilt. Hermione let out a squeak before casting arresto momentum at both boys. 

“Common Hermione, let us go!”

“Yeah we promise to be good. No more tickles.”

Hermione smiled at them, “No there won’t be. See you at The Three Broomsticks… eventually!”

Harry and Ron slowly made it the rest of the way to The Three Broomsticks without a single stranger showing them sympathy. Their classmates just laughed and the townsfolk were too used to student's pranks.

Hermione lifted the spell as they walked through the door causing them both to tumble forward. “Have you learned your lesson?” 

“Yes oh mighty caster!” Ron bowed dramatically. “We need to be quicker on the tickle attack.” He smirked wiggling his fingers and eyebrows. 

Hermione rolled her eyes but a smiled crept onto her face. “Close enough I guess.”

There was already butter beer for everyone, thanks to Hermione, and Ron and Harry sat down to drink.

Their conversation paused to welcome Luna to their table and another round was ordered. All four of them chatted lightly through their second round when a group of Slytherins piled into the table across from them. Draco included; Harry couldn't help but notice.

Harry watched Draco unabashedly. His stomach flopped. Draco was wearing long sleeves but fresh bandages were poking out from under the cuff. It would be easy to miss if one wasn't looking for them, but Harry knew. He was privy to the secret Draco was desperately trying to hide. 

All the mirth of the day drained out of him leaving him heavy and tired. He tried to keep up with the conversation between Hermione and Ron, laughing when he was supposed to and nodding agreement without knowing what he was agreeing to. Luna kept giving him concerned sideways glances. At one point she inquired about his numpty ward and shook her head when he confessed that he'd left it at school. Her large eyes seemed to cut through him and he felt like she could read his mind. She couldn't, right? Harry wasn't sure anymore.

On the walk back to Hogwarts his brain was busy thinking about Malfoy and how he was going to approach the other boy. Ron had everyone distracted by his exuberant tale of transfiguring his childhood turtle into a fork on accident when he was a kid. Harry was thankful for Ron's distracting story so that he could think in peace. 

Harry tapped his fingers together as he walked. Talking to Malfoy was going to be harder then he hoped. They had made no plans to meet again and they didn't share an inner circle, let alone an outer circle. Harry wasn't his friend. Harry had no right to interfere. But he had to do _something_. He couldn't let Draco keep doing this to himself. Harry steeled his resolve. He'd approach him tonight. Somehow, he'd make it happen by any means. 

 

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The chance came to Harry after dinner. He'd been walking in the hall with Ron when he caught Draco turning a corner by himself. He'd made excuses to Ron so that they could split up. Harry was worried that he had been lying to his friends a lot recently. He felt a little guilty and his hand was aching dully more and more. Harry shook the thought out of his head, it was worth it. Harry had to help Draco. He had to.

He stalked after the blond boy looking for an opening to approach him. As he turn another corner he stopped short almost running into the slim body in front of him.

"Why are you following me, Potter?"

"Er" Harry shifted his weight, eyes downcast. He hadn't planned this far. 

Draco's eyes narrowed. "Have you gone dumb? Answer me."

Harry swallowed, "I saw. At The Three Broomsticks. You did it again." He managed words even if they were a bit broken, Harry gave himself a mental high-five. 

Draco's wrath flared, "It has nothing to do with you. I don't need some do-gooder obsessing over me."

Obsessed? Was Harry obsessed? Harry lifted his eyes and looked directly into the stormy grey ones that were oh too close. Maybe. "I want to help you. You're not alone Draco, you can talk to me."

"I don't need to talk. I don't need anything. I'm fine." Draco's face flushed changing from anger to something else at the sound of his given name.

"You're not fine." Harry took a step closer to the other boy. The gap between them now only breath.

"Even if I'm not fine, there is nothing you can do. You can't fix this, Potter."

Harry growled a guttural sound at the back of his throat. Heat was rising from somewhere deep inside him. Was it anger? Harry didn't know, but he let it take over his actions. It was easier to let his body guide him than it was to think.

Harry grabbed Draco's shoulders pressing him into the wall. Draco let out a small "Oof." 

He wanted to tell Draco to trust him, that if he could save the world then he could save one person, if he was the savior of the world, then it was child's play to be Draco's savior. Instead his breath came out in a sigh as his eyes slid closed. The warmth of Draco's body fueling the fire inside him. His mouth followed his breath, crashing into the other's lips.

Flesh on flesh. Heat on heat. 

Draco stood eyes wide, back pressed into cold slate stone and all of Harry in front of him. Harry's lips. Harry's hands. Harry's body.

Then it was over, like a firework. An explosion that only left a slight ringing in the ears and a ghostly after-image as the only proof that it happened.

"Why?" He felt like Harry had eaten him whole and all that was left of him was raw and exposed.

Harry's grip on Draco's shoulders tightened. What was real anymore? Harry wasn't sure, he hadn't been sure of anything for a while now. The only thing he knew was that the fire inside him wasn't satisfied. It wanted more. It wanted everything. Harry shivered. 

"I don't know."

Draco scoffed.

"Let me." Harry whispered through kiss reddened lips his eyes half open.

"No." 

"Why? You didn't like it?"

The tips of Draco's ears reddened.

"You liked it." Harry decided for the both of them. He moved his hand from the slim shoulder to the slender neck. His thumb grazed over the Adam’s apple that stood out following its movement as Draco swallowed. 

"You're scaring me, Potter."

Harry could feel the vibration of Draco's voice though the tips of his fingers. The vibration seemed to flow through his whole body. 

"Why won't you let me help you?"

Draco used his whole body weight to shove Harry back. "You don't have the right to help me" he spat.

 

Harry stood frozen and wide eyed. "I'm just trying to be nice." It came out louder then he'd wanted.

"You're doing this for yourself, because you feel guilty, you just want to make yourself feel better. Noble Potter lowering himself to help charity case Draco. Well I won't let you. I'm not here for pity. I don't want your help."

Draco turned and ran. Harry started to run after him but his feet felt heavy and his heart felt tight. "Am I really doing this for myself?"

More questions without answers.

 

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Harry met with Draco in the room of requirement again. Draco was all angles and long legs. Harry could feel the fire bubble up inside of him again. He grabbed Draco and shoved him onto that tacky green and silver bed. Draco stared up at him with cold eyes. 

Harry ran his hand over that thin throat. Savoring the soft skin under his fingers. Their lips crashed together, teeth gnashing at each other. Harry tasted blood. Draco's lip was swollen and split. Harry licked the coppery blood from his lips. 

"I hate you" Draco said without moving his mouth. 

That mouth that begged. It was begging but Harry couldn't hear it. What was Draco begging for?

Darkness crept like mist across the floor closing in around them.

Harry leaned in desperate to hear what Draco was saying. He needed to know. His heart was pounding, the darkness would be here any moment and he had to get Draco to tell him before they were both swallowed. Harry squeezed Draco's throat, squeezed the words out. 

"Tell me!" Harry squeezed harder and the skin under his fingers started to crack. Strawberry red lines spread all over Draco. A broken porcelain doll. 

"Kill me."

Harry leaned closer swallowing the words, drinking the words, but still they came.

"Kill me Harry."

"NO!" Harry used his body to cover all of Draco.

"Kill me Harry. Kill me faster. End my pain."

**"NO!"**

Draco's body split, shattering. The porcelain pieces fell away revealing Harry laying in the bed. His arm was bloodied, cuts crisscrossed over his forearm. The darkness was close now. It was about to swallow him. He had been running from this darkness for longer than he could remember. Always running. Always alone. 

Red blood spilled over green velvet. The darkness was here. There was no running now. It was too late. The thick blackness engulfed him entering his lungs choking him. The darkness was absolute. The darkness was inside him, he was the darkness.

Harry shot up out of bed coughing. Sweat poured off him cold and sticky. He could taste blood. He reached up with shaky fingers and touched his lips. It stung. 

He pulled off his sweat drenched shirt and threw it to the side. There was no way he could sleep now. 

He made his way to the bathroom and numbly turned on the shower. He was still in his underwear but he didn't care. He couldn't feel the water, he couldn't feel anything. He cranked up the heat until each drop stung his skin leaving him red. He threw up. And threw up again. Until he was throwing up bile and blood. His throat stung and his teeth chattered despite the scalding shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the skin of my teeth I was able to get this up before July! :3 This fic has my top priority right now till it's done. It's just going to get darker before it gets better. Ahhhh I'm sorry ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯
> 
> I also am posting little extras on my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/yuzuling). A short story about [Millicent](http://yuzuling.tumblr.com/post/161996131108/strawberry-gashes-bonus) is already up. 
> 
> Thank you all for your kudos! You keep me writing <3 I can't believe anyone is even reading this Thank you so much ( ˘ ³˘)~♥


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